Suicide. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know this because I almost did it. And my cousin, he succeeded.
I remember giving up. I remember feeling as though the world was coming down on top of me. I remember not knowing what to do to make it stop. It was overwhelming being in that much pain and feeling as though there was nothing I could do. I didn’t want to get out of bed nor did I know what to do with myself. Everyone got angry with me because I wasn’t getting up and doing anything. To be honest, I didn’t think I had a purpose so I didn’t see a point in continuing to live in this world. I held my bottle of headache medication in my hand and i cried. I was going to take every last pill it held. I was done. I took the first pill, then the second, fought with myself, and then took a third. For whatever reason I couldn’t bring myself to take another. I was getting this voice in my head that kept asking ‘Why you?’ and although I thought I had many answers, I really had none. Every problem I had, there was a solution. All I had to do was talk to someone. So I put the bottle down and went to sleep knowing at that point that I didn’t do enough damage and that I would still wake up the next morning. In time all the problems I had were fixed.
Tommy was 32 when he died. Suicide by hanging. It ruptured my whole family and everyone who knew him. I was taking a nap that afternoon when my mom called crying. When I asked what was wrong she said ‘It’s Tommy. He’s gone..’. I almost dropped the phone. Still to this day we don’t know why it had to be him. There was no note, no answers. We’re broken with no way to fully heal but a million ways to cope.
When you want to call it quits and give up, you’re leaving behind a whole family who is not willing or ready to let go. You leave behind questions unanswered and loved ones confused. You leave behind a world that’s become crumbled but once used to be whole. Ask yourself this. Why you? Why does it have to be you that leaves? If you can’t answer that question with a legit enough reason, don’t go through with it. Don’t end your time here.
I want you to get up. Get up right now. I want you to go find someone and spit out everything. Leave it all out on the table. Trust me, I know it’s hard but you have to start somewhere. Holding everything inside won’t help you. If you can’t find someone to listen or help, I’m right here. It’s what I’m here for. Helping you is my purpose.
Why does it have to be you?
Belittling a child is unacceptable! Where did your understanding go off to? Children are still in the learning stages from birth to 18 years old. Yes I agree that their behavior at times is inexcusable, but does that give you any right at all to make them feel as though they are less than human? No. If they are doing something wrong, then tell them but explain to them why you feel it’s wrong. Don’t EVER resort to name calling or hateful things! How are they suppose to grow up to be well-rounded adults if this is how you come at them? They look up to you. As a role model; as a mentor. Don’t make negative behavior something they learn from you.
Pancakes cure everything and Aunt Jemima makes the best ones! All of us have stress and situations in our lives were we don’t know what to do. Here’s a suggestion, drop everything (unless you’re at work, then wait until you get home) and go make some pancakes. Take and put your mind in another place and mentally get away. Come back to the situation with a clear mind and ready to find a solution.
Skin is skin. All it does is hold in everything that’s in your body. Even if each skin color is different, doesn’t mean it serves any other purpose. It doesn’t define what type of person someone is. Your actions and behavior are what define what type of person you are. Nothing else. Nobody holds any right to judge somebody based off of something they were born with. Not a single person has that kind of power. You’re not anymore superior than anyone else. That goes for all races! If for whatever reason someone judges you or belittles you because of your skin color, remember that it’s not the skin color that is judging you; it’s the person that’s judging you and not all of us are like that. Be upset with their behavior, not their skin color. Skin color is just that, skin. It may be on a person, but it’s not it’s own person.
When you go into an eye doctor appointment and they put those 3D glasses on you and ask you to point out which object stands out to you, that’s the obvious image right? The same general idea applies to your life. Everything you see on a daily basis is your obvious image. But what about the picture that lies underneath that obvious image?
Think back to the doctors office visit. How did the obvious image, that stood out to you, play a part in the main image as a whole? What is its role? Why is it there? What is it there for? How does it fit in to this picture? Who put it there? When did it get there?
Now look at your life. The situations that happen and the people in your life playing a part in those situations. Get nosy with yourself and ask yourself why, what, what for, who, when, and how. Answer those questions by observing what’s around you. You don’t have to go up to the person and ask them “What are you doing in my life?”, but you can ask yourself that. All you have to do is observe and think about it. Yes, you will come across the occasional answer of “I don’t know” but that’s when you have to go deeper. Maybe someone is in your life because they are suppose to teach you something. Put it this way, every person in your life and everything that happens in your life happens or is there for a reason. Nothing and no one is there just for the hell of it.
So next time someone tells you to look at the bigger picture, they want you to look at the picture that lies beneath the obvious image along with the obvious image. All of it as a whole. They want you to see and understand the picture as a whole. Once you do things in your life will make a lot more sense.
I know most of you don’t like reality. I also know it hurts at times, but what reality is doing is showing you what’s wrong so that you can either a) learn from it, or b) fix it. When my cousin took his own life, it taught me to reconsider holding in how I feel inside all the time (of course that wasn’t until after the grieving was over). It taught me that I needed to sit down and figure out all my personal problems and not let them get so out of hand that I can’t take it anymore. Reality took something horrible in my life and gave me something good from it. Reality is not out to get you. It’s not something you need to hide from. It’s something that can help you. Look at the picture underneath the obvious image. That is where you’re going to find your answers. All those “Why me?” questions, that’s where you can answer those. Trust that reality will steer you in the right direction. Don’t just pay attention to the obvious, pay attention to what the obvious is trying to tell you. What is it trying to teach you?
You guys struggle, I know you do. I am most certainly not the only one. But isn’t it wearing on you? Why do you continue to put up with it? The more you let those wars take over, the more you will lose control of yourself. Get help and fight back! Find that peace that you’ve been searching for within you and finally be set free of these internal struggles. You owe it to yourself to finally put an end to it. You’ve dealt with it for long enough. You don’t need it. It’s over.